Anxiety

The Power of Music

May 30, 2016 | Leave a Comment

With the revelations this past week about Gord Downie’s struggle with a terminal illness, I feel that it’s only fitting to write about music this week. For those of you who don’t know, Gord Downie is the lead singer of the Tragically Hip – a Canadian band that has shaped the music landscape and probably has like a billion fans at this point. I could talk about those facts for quite a while, but alas this post will look more at the power of music when related to mental health.

One of my favourite Gord Downie songs isn’t actually a Tragically Hip song – it’s a collaboration that he did with City and Colour (another amazing Canadian artist). The song is called ‘Sleeping Sickness’ and it can be found on City and Colour’s 2008 album. Looking back now, I guess I first listened to it when I was on the tail end of my super anxiety filled years and my jaw literally dropped to the floor when I heard it. Before I go any further, I want you to take a minute to listen to it…it won’t take long. Here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xiq0IiGilXE.

Holy shit, right? Well, I imagine that could’ve been your reaction if you are or have ever struggled with anxiety or depression….and if your experiences are/were anything like mine. I remember thinking that it was like these men had finally found the words to describe what I had been feeling, experiencing, struggling with…and not only had they found the words, they had made them beautiful. If you’ve never experienced debilitating forms of anxiety, you may not understand that there seems to be no beauty in those experiences…so this song was quite a feat. I’ll admit, I probably listened to that song on repeat about a million times – half the time crying while I listened and half the time feeling a weird sort of triumph. I was not alone – this song proved that once and for all. What a wonderful feeling – it was like the hammer that nailed the coffin shut on the isolation that I felt with regards to my struggles with anxiety.

Music is a powerful thing. Yes, we’ve all heard that before – I’m just reiterating it. After hearing that song, I started to keep my ears open to more pertinent song lyrics and pay attention to how my mood seemed to dictate the music I would choose on a given day. We do seem to connect with songs that speak to us, about us, and for us. Music can make us feel less alone because if someone wrote those lyrics, they must understand those feelings and experiences. So, I LOVE it when clients bring in music for me to listen to and tell me that it describes exactly how they’re feeling. Those sessions are some of my favourites, as we get to explore the lyrics, the instruments, and the mood and see how it relates to the individual sitting in front of me. No, I am not a Music Therapist, but I have experienced how music can give us the words and emotions that we can’t seem to put our finger on…a powerful thing indeed. What songs have impacted you in the past?

The In-Between Generation

March 28, 2016 | Leave a Comment

Over the years, I’ve noticed that I have been seeing more and more people in their 20’s and 30’s who are dealing with identity crises, anxiety, and/or depression. It’s gotten me thinking…sometimes I feel like people around my age (in their 30’s) are part of an “In-Between Generation.” I may be using this term differently than other people have in the past, so let me explain…

How can one whole generation be termed “in-betweeners”? Well, in my opinion, we have thoroughly experienced two very different worlds. We lived have lived in a time when technology didn’t matter as much and we now live in a time where technology is everything. When we grew up, the Internet wasn’t really a thing yet. There was no Google and we used dictionaries and encyclopaedias to look up information. Social media came into play when we were already in our university years (or beyond) and our lives were not documented on the Internet for the world to see. Now, things are different and we have embraced that world too. We live by our phones and feel disconnected from the world if we aren’t checking our texts, email, or social media sites every few minutes. Google teaches us everything we need to know and we can get by with screens instead of paper. We are also more restless, impulsive, and pressured than in the past.

So, you’re probably wondering why I’m talking about this. Who really cares that there is a demographic that has experienced both sides of the coin to the fullest degree? Well, I’ve been wondering if there is a link between all of those lost, anxious, and depressed individuals that are walking into my office and this idea of an “in-between generation.” Seeing as we grew up and developed in a slower paced and less technological world, could anxiety, depression and identity issues be the price we pay for adaptation? Or are they more so a product of our fast paced, pressure driven society? Or, to give another option, is all of this completely random and I just happen to draw a lot of similar people into my office? Any of those are possible, I’ll admit.

What are your thoughts on this observation of mine? Do you find yourself caught in an in-between generation? I know I certainly do – there are definitely moments when I yearn for the simplicity of my youth and I’m annoyed by how quickly everything needs to move now.

Finding the Right Fit

February 9, 2016 | Leave a Comment

I’ve been lucky enough to have several new clients walk through my door recently and it’s gotten me reflecting on first counselling sessions. First sessions are actually some of my favourite meetings. That may seem surprising, as I’m often meeting people at some of their lowest moments, but I find it interesting to meet new people and to hear their stories. First meetings often illicit very strong nerves and a wide range of emotions, such as upset, sadness, anger, and hesitancy (just to name a few). There is no typical first session, no typical emotions to feel in that first meeting.

It makes me think back to the first time that I sat on a counsellor’s couch as a client. To put it bluntly, I was a mess. No really, it was messy – lots of crying led to lots of tissues being used. There was lots of anxiety and fear. Oh and many futile attempts to appear “okay.” I so desperately wanted to be “normal” that I was even trying to hide my feelings from the person who was supposed to help me. Obviously I failed miserably on that front — it’s pretty hard to seem okay with tears running down your face. To my surprise, it became clear pretty early on that my counsellor could handle my emotions in a kind, gentle, and completely non-judgemental manner. I don’t know what I was expecting or hoping for, but that counsellor was exactly what I needed at that moment in time.

First sessions really are your opportunity to ask questions, feel out the counselling process, and to decide if you and the counsellor will be a right fit. What the heck does that even mean – “a right fit?” Well, similar to trying out a new pair of shoes, you’ve got to try out a new counsellor. After the first session, you can ask yourself questions like these: did you feel comfortable? Did it feel like you and the counsellor were on the same page? Were you happy with what you experienced in the session? If you answer yes to those questions, then it’s likely that you and the counsellor have the makings for a right fit. If you answered no to any of those questions, perhaps you may want to test out another counsellor. Not every counsellor will fit your needs and not every counsellor will give you that instant feeling of connection. It’s really important that you feel a connection, sense of safety, and a lack of judgement when you are with your counsellor…in fact it can be the most important factor in successful counselling!

Conversations about Stigma

January 27, 2016 | Leave a Comment

In case you are unaware, January 27, 2016 was #BellLetsTalk day – an initiative aimed at bringing an end to the stigma against mental illness by promoting conversations and awareness. When I last checked on Twitter, I was heartened to see that they have raised over 6 million dollars this year. Yes, I was totally one of those people that spent a good portion of my day retweeting posts with the #BellLetsTalk hashtag and creating posts of my own. I cross my fingers that you retweeted a few things too. I also spent a chunk of my day in reflection about my experiences with stigma.

When I was struggling with my own anxiety issues, I regularly encountered judgment, minimizing, and avoidance from my family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. I naively thought that my days of dealing with stigma were over once I made the decision to just unashamedly be an open book about my struggles with panic and anxiety. I had dropped the anger, the shame, the embarrassment, the hiding…I had moved forward, made changes, and learned how to maintain my well-being. Hell, I even felt strong enough to completely face myself and my “flaws” in order to become a helper for others facing similar struggles.

So here’s what I didn’t think of – my own wellness, determination, and passion for helping others dealing with mental health issues would not eradicate my life of the stigma. Nope, that didn’t happen at all. As a Registered Clinical Counsellor, I STILL have to deal with the stigma against mental health all the time. In fact, I feel like I fight that battle on two fronts now. On the one hand, I fight for all of my clients and people who are struggling with mental illness, but feeling that sense of shame, embarrassment, and fear that I was so familiar with in the past. I will happily be their voice, listen to their upsetting encounters with stigma, and gently encourage their strengths and their journey towards finding their voice. The second area where I fight this battle is in the professional arena. I will not go into detail on the specific stigmatizing experiences that I’ve had professionally, but let’s just say that not everyone understands what counselling or mental illness is, not everyone is willing to learn, and not everyone is ready to be a part of this new world where mental illness is not associated with shame.

I’ll be honest – when I am confronted with the stigma against mental illness, I could easily engage in a profanity ridden, passionate rant that would likely be applauded by some and leave others feeling horrified. I could yell and vent and aggressively try to drive home my points about mental illness not needing to be shameful. I could also throw my hands up in the air and decide to not bother fighting it anymore. After all, it’s a tiring endeavour to constantly fight for what we believe in. But I won’t do those things. I will give my clients the time, space, and a listening ear as they work through their experiences with stigma and gain their strength to fight back. I will educate those naive individuals who think that they know exactly what it means to have a mental illness, to visit a counsellor, or to be a mental health professional. I will advocate for increased conversation and openness about mental illness. And I will continue to voice my experiences and be a voice for those who don’t feel able to fight yet. If you are reading this post at a time in your life when you don’t feel ready or strong enough to stand up to the intimidating weight of stigma, please know that others (like myself) are here to be that voice and we stand strong in the hopes that this won’t be a battle forever. To continue the hashtag train that I joined early today: #IAmNotAshamed #EndTheStigma #BellLetsTalk.

Wrapping Our Brains Around…The Brain

January 25, 2016 | Leave a Comment

This Week’s Book = Your Brain: A User’s Guide (by National Geographic)

Ok, I’m back to reading! I’ll confess that I always find it challenging to pick up work-related and/or psychology-focused books after the holiday season. For some reason my brain just wants to linger in its relaxed, think-about-nothing-serious kind of state and I tend towards fun, easy to read novel. But alas, today it is exactly one month post-Christmas, so it’s time to get back into the swing of reading. I chose to be nicer to myself though and ease myself in with a magazine as opposed to a book.

I’ll admit it…I’m not a fan of the fact that National Geographic recently shifted from its non-profit roots to being majority owned by 21st Century Fox. It annoys me to the point of contemplating a boycott…but then I see a National Geographic magazine on the newsstands and they just look so damn appealing. So here we are, talking about National Geographic’s Your Brain: A User’s Guide. This magazine, as the title advertises, teaches the readers about the brain. Readers will learn about the learning, perceptive, unconscious, emotional, and aging brain. Sprinkled throughout the magazine are bright and relevant pictures, sidebars with interesting stories, and 100 facts that you may not have known about the brain.

This may seem like a relatively lame choice for my first review of 2016 and, in a way, I would agree. For me (and any other professionals, I would assume), this magazine reminded me of information that I learned waaaaay back in my undergraduate program when we would study the brain in 100/200 level courses. That’s cool – I don’t shy away from reminders and it’s been a while since I’ve read about that sort of stuff. It’s probably not a huge surprise to hear that my favourite chapters (yes, this magazine is split into chapters) were on the Unconscious Brain and the Emotional Brain. In those chapters, you can learn about mapping emotions, positive and negative emotions, mental health, dreams, altered states, and the importance of sleep for our brain (among other things). My penchant for describing complex concepts in a simplistic, easy to read manner was definitely satisfied with this magazine. I would recommend it for anybody looking to learn more about the brain, particularly the emotional and unconscious sides. After all, an understanding of the brain can give you a good foundation of knowledge for when you are considering the ups and downs of life.

Interested in this magazine? Click here! It’s only available on shelves until 02/12/16.

The Fog of Anxiety

January 7, 2016 | Leave a Comment

Let’s talk about frost and fog. In my opinion, frost and fog make the world a much more beautiful and interesting place. If you pay attention to and look closer at the frost, you’ll find the loveliest of designs. And fog, well it creates such a sense of mystery and unknown that it’s almost eerie in its beauty. Maybe I’ve thought too much about this…but maybe not. Noticing the “little things” is something that gets missed by a lot of people.

I bet you’re thinking, “Sooooo what?” or “Why is she yammering on about the weather?” There’s a point…I promise. And it’s not about my preference for weather that others usually dislike or the idea of noticing the little things. It’s about anxiety.

So many of my clients come to me in an anxious state and they often describe themselves as “being in a fog.” Having been there in the past myself, I can tell you – that’s a very accurate description. It’s a time when nothing seems to make sense, surprises arise seemingly out of nowhere, there’s a dazed feeling to it all, and there often appears to be no way out of it. It’s an unnerving state to be in.

Now Living in an Anxiety Fog , let’s pause for a moment and look at a picture that I took the other day when the world seemed full of frost and fog. For the record – no, I did not have my camera set to take black and white
photos…yet the photos seem to be in black and white. It’s almost as if the fog drained the world of its colour, leaving behind an aura of uncertainty and doubt.

That can be how anxiety feels – as though we are surrounded by fear and doubt in a world that has lost its joy and vibrancy. We become so consumed with the unknowns, the past, and the future, that we are often unable to enjoy the beauty and joy around us. When you consider anxiety in this light, it makes sense that people who are struggling with experiences of anxiety are often struggling with depression too. The greyness of fog detracts from the subtle beauty that the frost brings.

But why am I telling you this? Ongoing anxiety can be very difficult for people to understand if they have never been through it themselves. I love a good analogy (as I’m sure all my clients can attest), as they break down complex subjects into everyday, comparable situations. We are all familiar with the weather, so if it helps even one person understand what they or a loved one is going through then the analogy is a success. And also, if you’re “in a fog” as you navigate the choppy waters of anxiety, please know that you are not alone. I’ve been there, too…and it’s possible to leave the fog behind!

Jumping on the Yearly Recap Bandwagon (Part 2)

December 21, 2015 | Leave a Comment

Continuing on the yearly recap that I started last week, here are my top five most helpful books:

#5: The Body Keeps Score (B. Van Der Kolk)
Compared to the other horribly boring book that I read on trauma (I’m looking at you Trauma and Recovery), this book is fabulous. In a super easy to read format, this book gives the readers a window into the author’s professional journey of discovering different type of trauma therapy and techniques. The Body Keeps Score would be helpful for anyone with an interest in or experiences of trauma.

#4: Uncovering Happiness (E. Goldstein)
Another easy to read book…because it should be overwhelmingly apparent by now that I love a good book written in simple language. This book offers readers information and possible strategies for people dealing with depression. It is a motivating book that encourages self-kindness and has a realistic message overall.

#3: Rewire Your Anxious Brain (C.M. Pittman & E.M. Karle)
Ok, I’m going to admit it…choosing the order of my top three was actually really hard. They all should probably be tied for number 1, but alas. This is definitely one of my favourite books on anxiety. It takes very complex processes and shares them with readers in a simplified manner. This book includes lots of great information, exercises, and strategies that will help readers to start the process of rewiring their brains.

#2: Quiet (S. Cain)
It seems like most people have heard of this book… and for good reason – it’s great! Quiet discusses the differences between introverts and extroverts, while normalizing the traits and feelings associated with being introverted. There are not many good books written on this topic (in my opinion), so this one totally stands out as a helpful book to help introverts to better understand themselves and extroverts to understand their quieter counterparts.

#1: Furiously Happy (J. Lawson)
I had to do it…this book just had to be first. No, it’s not a typical self-help pr psychology book…in fact you won’t even find it in those sections at the bookstore. This is more of a biographical and humour type of book…and neither of those categories diminish the helpfulness of this book. Furiously Happy is a collection of essays that describe the author’s life and her ongoing dealings with mental illness. The most important part of this book is that it smashes stigmas (simply by being open and honest) and it has the potential to normalize certain experiences for readers. I have no doubt that many readers will recognize themselves in the pages of this book…and if they don’t see themselves, they will at least gain some understanding about people who deal with mental illness. The fact that this book challenges the stigma surrounding mental illness made this book an obvious choice for number 1 for me. At some point, I seem to talk to all of my clients about their encounters with stigma and their fears, upset, and anger about it. This book reminds you that you’re not alone.

So there you have it – my completely biased list of the Top 10 Most Helpful Books of 2015!

Jumping on the Yearly Recap Bandwagon (Part 1)

December 14, 2015 | Leave a Comment

Well, 2015 is winding down to an end and I feel like it went fast. I also feel like that’s something that everyone says. While I’m not super down with making New Year’s resolutions, I am a huge fan of yearly recaps You know, like “10 Most Unexpected Breakups of the Year” or “The Top 25 Dresses of 2015”…ok I may have just revealed my guilty pleasure of reading celebrity gossip blogs and magazines. Ah well. Anywho, since I’ve read and blogged about 27 books this year, I’ve decided to jump on the yearly recap bandwagon and give you my “Top 10 Most Helpful Books” list. Of course, this is a completely biased list, based purely on my personal likes and dislikes, so take from it what you will…

#10: 10% Happier (D. Harris)
This was the first book that I blogged about, so I think that it holds a special place for me. It’s also hilarious…and I think that we all know by now that I’m won over by humour. 10% Happier is about one man’s journey through experiences with anxiety, panic, drug use, medication, and mindfulness. Honesty, humour, and openness are foundational to this book and likely the key to its overwhelming success.

#9: The Last Walk (J. Pierce)
Ok, so this book may be the polar opposite of the previous book. The Last Walk discussed in depth the process of and the grief that accompanies the loss of a pet. A much more serious and morose topic, but also a very important one. The author’s grief is obvious throughout the book and any pet owner will find themselves brimming with empathy and gaining understanding as they read it.

#8: Bald is Better with Earrings (A. Hutton)
Aaaaaand back to less serious…ok that sounds weird when discussing a book on breast cancer. Weird, but true. It’s all about tone in this book, as the author writes in a more informal and easily accessible style. This book would be insanely helpful for all people dealing with breast cancer, as well as family members and friends. The author gives an extremely candid window into all of the processes associated with breast cancer treatment and recovery.

#7: The Five Love Languages (G. Chapman)
This one’s a classic…corny terminology aside. Everybody seems to have heard of this book and the content, in my opinion, is pretty legit. The Five Love Languages looks at how different people give and receive love, how emotional needs are met, and how couples can heal issues in their relationship by looking at those “love languages.” This book is super helpful for people looking to better their relationships.

#6: Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin (A. Katherine)
This is another super helpful book, as everyone seems to struggle with defining boundaries and implementing them. Boundaries does just that – it defines boundaries, gives a multitude of examples, and discusses boundaries in a variety of contexts. Despite being an older book, the information is still helpful today.

Check out my top 5 next week!

Making Sense of Our Internal Chatter

December 7, 2015 | Leave a Comment

c/o amazon.ca

This Week’s Book = Talking to Yourself: Learning the Language of Self-Affirmation (by P. Butler)

Spoiler alert: Everybody talks to themselves…and it can’t be crazy if everyone is doing it, right? We all have an internal dialogue going consistently and it can be lovely and pleasant or downright nasty. Negative self-talk can feel overwhelming, discouraging, and debilitating and, more often than not, people worry that it will never change. Since I tend to spend a lot of time talking about internal dialogues, or self-talk, with my clients (and sometimes self-talk that occurs out loud), I figured it was time to revisit one of my favourite books on the topic.

Talking to Yourself is an older book with foundational information that still applies today. Pamela Butler uses this book to discuss the concept of self-talk, which can have both positive and negative effects on our lives. She devotes a chapter to each of the different ways that our self-talk can be harmful and negative, giving them names such as Drivers, Stoppers, and Confusers. She also discusses the ways that self-talk can be used in a self-supporting manner. Butler shares strategies for how people can hone their positive self-talk, while also discussing barriers that can get in the way.

This book has always resonated with me. Yes, it has the corny psychology language that I’ve come to hate (seriously, why do people in the psychology field have to give EVERYTHING cheesy names??), but it also has some really great information for understanding the internal dialogue that we all experience. I love that there’s a systems component to this book – in other words, it looks at the concept of self-talk in the context of our environment and discusses the influences that others can have on our internal dialogue. Systems theory is foundational to my work, so I always like to read about topics from that perspective. In my opinion, this book is helpful for those wanting to learn more about or change their self-talk patterns.

Interested in this book? Click here!

What Do You Mean Counsellors Aren’t Perfect?

November 30, 2015 | Leave a Comment

This Week’s Book = Bad Therapy (by J.A. Kottler & J. Carlson)

It’s shocking, I know…but counsellors aren’t perfect. It is possible for us to have messy moments in our personal lives, conversations that we wish we could have handled better, and outpourings of emotion at inopportune times. We can also have bad days at work, which generally translate into bad sessions for clients. All counsellors have sessions where they wish they could yell, “DO OVER!” and try it again. Unfortunately, that’s not possible, so we are left to sit with the regret, guilt and insecurities that come from those bad sessions.

It’s with those moments in mind that I chose to re-read a book from my grad school days called Bad Therapy for this week’s blog post. Bad Therapy is a compilation of interviews wit c/o amazon.ca h some of psychology’s most well known practitioners, authors, and leaders. The sole purpose of this book is to discuss the idea of bad therapy and for each person to share at least one story of a time when they provided a bad therapy session. Each chapter introduces a new professional (22 in all!), discusses their story or perceived failure, and shares what they learned or what others could learn from the scenario. It is a very candid book and the authors/contributors do not hide their fears about being so honest and open about failure.

You know, I need this book from time to time. I need to be reminded that I don’t have to be perfect (why hello, my old friend Perfectionism!). Counsellors are human and all humans have bad days, make mistakes, and make poor decisions. If I’m having a particularly shitty feeling day after work, sometimes I pick up this book and read one chapter of it. And you know what? It helps. It helps to hear that I’m not alone, that others make mistakes too, and that even the experts will question themselves. For all the counsellors out there, remember this book when you are feeling low about your performance or when you feel like you’re not helping anyone. Let the humanness of it slap you across the face so you can give your head a shake and move forward. For everyone else who wants to read this book, remember that counsellors are human and we are doing the absolute best that we can…just like you!

Interested in this book? Click Here!