couples

Jumping on the Yearly Recap Bandwagon (Part 1)

December 14, 2015 | Leave a Comment

Well, 2015 is winding down to an end and I feel like it went fast. I also feel like that’s something that everyone says. While I’m not super down with making New Year’s resolutions, I am a huge fan of yearly recaps You know, like “10 Most Unexpected Breakups of the Year” or “The Top 25 Dresses of 2015”…ok I may have just revealed my guilty pleasure of reading celebrity gossip blogs and magazines. Ah well. Anywho, since I’ve read and blogged about 27 books this year, I’ve decided to jump on the yearly recap bandwagon and give you my “Top 10 Most Helpful Books” list. Of course, this is a completely biased list, based purely on my personal likes and dislikes, so take from it what you will…

#10: 10% Happier (D. Harris)
This was the first book that I blogged about, so I think that it holds a special place for me. It’s also hilarious…and I think that we all know by now that I’m won over by humour. 10% Happier is about one man’s journey through experiences with anxiety, panic, drug use, medication, and mindfulness. Honesty, humour, and openness are foundational to this book and likely the key to its overwhelming success.

#9: The Last Walk (J. Pierce)
Ok, so this book may be the polar opposite of the previous book. The Last Walk discussed in depth the process of and the grief that accompanies the loss of a pet. A much more serious and morose topic, but also a very important one. The author’s grief is obvious throughout the book and any pet owner will find themselves brimming with empathy and gaining understanding as they read it.

#8: Bald is Better with Earrings (A. Hutton)
Aaaaaand back to less serious…ok that sounds weird when discussing a book on breast cancer. Weird, but true. It’s all about tone in this book, as the author writes in a more informal and easily accessible style. This book would be insanely helpful for all people dealing with breast cancer, as well as family members and friends. The author gives an extremely candid window into all of the processes associated with breast cancer treatment and recovery.

#7: The Five Love Languages (G. Chapman)
This one’s a classic…corny terminology aside. Everybody seems to have heard of this book and the content, in my opinion, is pretty legit. The Five Love Languages looks at how different people give and receive love, how emotional needs are met, and how couples can heal issues in their relationship by looking at those “love languages.” This book is super helpful for people looking to better their relationships.

#6: Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin (A. Katherine)
This is another super helpful book, as everyone seems to struggle with defining boundaries and implementing them. Boundaries does just that – it defines boundaries, gives a multitude of examples, and discusses boundaries in a variety of contexts. Despite being an older book, the information is still helpful today.

Check out my top 5 next week!

Speaking Your Partner’s Language of Love

November 23, 2015 | Leave a Comment

This Week’s Book = The Five Love Languages (by G. Chapman)

I’ve noticed that, in the autumn months, I seem to be talking more and more with clients about relationship issues. Is it because the happy, carefree feelings of summer have left us? Honestly, I’m not too sure if there’s a correlation there. Perhaps it’s the stress and feelings of tension that often come with all of the autumn and winter holidays. Regardless, I have found myself talking about the principles in this week’s book more and more lately, so I figured I’d better share it with you!

The Five Love Languages, written by Dr. Gary Chapman, describes the dynamics of relationships and love in a simplistic and practical manner. Chapman discusses the idea that love is a choice and it takes work. As he states, so many people enter into a marriage and assume that their love will sustain itself and never be an issue. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. In reality, love takes time, effort, and constant consideration for both partners to feel emotionally fulfilled. In this book, Chapman describes what he calls ‘the five love languages’: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts. Each person has their own primary love language, which helps to meet their emotional needs with regards to love. Chapman discusses the importance of recognizing and choosing to act on your partner’s love language as a way to fulfill the emotional needs of a love relationship.

My first encounter with this book was many years ago and the content completely made sense to me. While I think that calling them our love languages is kind of corny, I can’t fault the logic and principles behind Chapman’s work. In fact, I notice it all the time now in relationships that I experience or observe around me. I talk about love languages often with clients who are experiencing discord in their relationships and it always seems to be a concept that is understandable for people. Many of my clients seem surprised by how straightforwardly simple it all is and that seems to encourage them to try out new things in their relationship (i.e. speaking their partner’s love language). Personally, I love how Chapman discusses at length that love is a choice and it requires work. That’s a true fact that we often try to ignore when we feel enamoured with someone else…and then we are surprised when the cracks begin to show in the relationship. I recommend this book to anyone who is interested in looking at their relationships through a different lens and improving their interactions with loved ones.

Interested in this book? Click here!

Relationships from an Attachment Perspective

July 27, 2015 | Leave a Comment

This Week’s Book = Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love (by A. Levine & R.S.F. Heller)

While I don’t see a huge number of couples in my practice, I’m often talking to individual clients about their relationships. Attachment is a concept that I frequently discuss with couples or those dealing with relationship issues. Put simply, attachment is our need to be in close relationships with a few (significant) others and how we act emotionally and behaviourally to ensure our safety and closeness to those loved ones. Ok, it may sound much more complicated than it actually is…which is why I pulled out one of my favourite books to re-read and write about this week.

In Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love, the authors describe how different attachment styles can be applied to adult relationships. Typically, the research has focused on attachment styles with our primary caregivers as children and so this book is focusing on a lot of new research. The authors give detailed descriptions of the three different types of attachment, secure, avoidant, and anxious, and they describe how the different attachment types can and do tend to interact in adult relationships. They focus some specific attention on relationships between avoidant and anxious attachment styles, as those relationships have the potential to be toxic.

I really enjoy this book… this was probably the third time I’ve read it now. I feel as though attachment style and its direct link to our adult relationships is an under-researched and perhaps even undervalued idea. This book discusses the fluidity of one’s attachment style and how it can be influenced by many different factors. I often find myself telling my clients that awareness is the first step (with anything!) and this book really does do a great job of helping readers to develop an understanding of their individual attachment style and how that style can reveal itself in relationships. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to increase their self-awareness regarding their needs and why they act the way they do in relationships.

Interested in this book? Click here!