Loss

An Action Plan for Completing Grief and Loss

October 19, 2015 | Leave a Comment

This Week’s Book = The Grief Recovery Handbook (by J.W. James & R. Friedman)

“I don’t know how you do that job.” It never ceases to amaze me how much that statement gets directed at me. Apparently being confronted regularly by emotions and grief really freaks people out. Luckily, I’m not one of those people…otherwise I would probably be pretty terrible at my job. Grief and loss are so overwhelmingly common, yet people often don’t discuss it. They turn inwards or they read books or articles, but they don’t talk about it for the most part. That’s why I figured I’d better take some time to look at the books that grievers are probably reading and throw in my two cents (o Grief Recovery r is five cents, since we no longer have pennies? Hmmmm).

The Grief Recovery Handbook is exactly that – a guide to help people recover from loss. James and Friedman are very clear throughout the book that suppressed and grief that is not dealt with can be toxic and has the potential to affect all aspects of our lives moving forward. James and Friedman define recovery as the discovery and completion of what has been left unfinished in a relationship. In other words, they encourage readers to consider what could have been different, better, or more in the lost relationship and then complete it through a process of reflection, sharing, and letter writing. The process described in the book is based on many years of research and observation by James and Friedman.

You know, this was a good book. No, it wasn’t epiphany city over here…but this book took the very complex and misunderstood subject of grief and spoke about it in a relatable and matter-of-fact manner. The process laid out by the authors takes a tired old suggestion (letter writing) and gives it a concrete purpose (completing the loss). They are quite specific about the steps to be taken – even the wording of the letter must be very precise in order to complete the loss. The downside, I suppose, would be that many people would not follow the steps as exactly as is hoped. Perhaps I’m being cynical but I worry that, despite the efforts of the authors to normalize the emotions, thoughts and usual behaviours associated with grief, people may still easily fall into poor habits. I really do think that all grievers could benefit from this book, though it is ultimately their choice if they will allow themselves to recognize its advantages.

Interested in buying the book? Click here.

How to Manage When You Discover You Have Breast Cancer

October 5, 2015 | Leave a Comment

This Week’s Book = Bald is Better with Earrings (by A. Hutton) Dealing with Breast Cancer

Ok, so I’m getting back to the books this week. I chose this book for several reasons, namely the topic, the smile that crossed my face when I read the title, and the shiny picture on the cover. To stave off any immediate questions in advance – no, I do not have breast cancer. I do, however, work with women and men who experience loss of all kind…so I want to be prepared and knowledgeable for those who come to see me regarding the losses associated with cancer.

Bald is Better with Earrings is the ultimate self-help book for people dealing with breast cancer. It is written by Andrea Hutton, a survivor of breast cancer, and it gives explicit details on exactly what to expect from the moment of diagnosis onwards. Hutton devotes chapters to discussing appointments, tests,
surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, and recovery. Throughout the book, she also provides suggestions (often in list form) based on her own experiences, the conversations that she’s had with other survivors, and the research she’s completed.

The first thought that I had when I started reading this book was that it read like a blog…then lo and behold, Hutton stated that this book started as a blog! The “blogness” of this book reveals itself in the informal language, the conversational tone, and the mass number of lists throughout the book (i.e. ‘Top 5 Tips for Handling Chemo’). Even though she writes in a relaxed manner, Hutton does not fail to stress how life-changing and serious a cancer diagnosis and the subsequent treatment is. She does not build false hope, but speaks in a realistic and hopeful way. This book is amazingly informative and helpful. I can see how it would take some of the fear out of a cancer diagnosis by describing (as much as possible) what you can expect to happen. It normalizes a lot of the experiences associated with cancer and provides a wealth of information in a way that will help people dealing with cancer to feel a small semblance of control in an otherwise chaotic situation.

I honestly can’t say enough good things about this book. As Hutton states on page 31, “This isn’t Grey’s Anatomy. This is your life.” So if you have been diagnosed with cancer, have a family member or friend with cancer, work as a health professional, or just have a general interest, buy this book. Read it, feel prepared, get some ideas, and develop an insane amount of empathy for someone who is going through cancer.

Interested in the book? Click here!

The Humour and Honesty of Survival

August 10, 2015 | Leave a Comment

This Week’s Book = This is How: Surviving What You Think You Can’t (by A. Burroughs)

Image c/o amazon.com

This book surprised me. I actually picked it up just to keep me occupied while I enjoyed a coffee and dessert at a local cafe…never thinking that it would be the topic of one of my blog posts. In all honesty, I thought that this book looked funny and like an easy read. It didn’t disappoint on either of those assumptions. However, it also invited the reader to look at some serious issues in a bluntly honest way…and with that, it became a book that I thought could be useful to chat about.

This is How is a book that forces readers to look at the tough areas of life. There is a dry wit that runs rampant throughout this book and is even evident in the chapter titles (‘How to Be Fat’, which is followed by ‘How to Be Thin’). Burroughs discusses 28 different topics (each getting its own chapter) – everything from suicide to eating disorders to losing a child. Throughout the book, there is a matter-of-fact tone as Burroughs shares many stories from his own life and makes blunt statements about each issue.

Part of me liked this book. It really was another laugh out loud on the Skytrain type of book…even the part where Burroughs compares therapists to hookers. Conversely, the other part of me feels uneasy about it. Sure, sometimes people need blunt statements and/or humour to kick their butt into gear. But not always. There were times when I was reading this book that I grimaced – I felt like Burroughs was minimizing some issues and talking about them in almost an arrogant fashion. On the flipside though, there were also sections of the book that seemed more successful with his straight-to-the-point style. In my opinion, the usefulness and even the humour of this book will depend on sensitivity of the reader and the issues that they may be dealing with at the time of reading. If you are a “no bullshit” type of person, this may just be the book for you. Keep in mind though – Burroughs is neither a self-help writer nor a counsellor.

Interested in the book? Click here!

The Grief of Losing a Pet

July 6, 2015 | Leave a Comment

This Week’s Book = The Last Walk: Reflections on Our Pets at the End of Their Lives (by J. Pierce)

Ok, so usually I seem to start these posts with a bit of humour or joviality but, in my opinion, this week’s book warrants a much more sombre tone. I feel like this is a super import Losing a Pet ant book that is likely to be overlooked or even brushed off by a lot of people. However, I truly believe that this book could be really helpful for a particular subset of the population. So, let’s jump right in…

In The Last Walk, Jessica Pierce writes about a topic that is often missing in literature – the deterioration and eventual death of our beloved pets. Pierce reportedly based the book on a journal that she kept in the last year of her dog’s life. She reports the increased frailty and general decline of her once exuberant pet. She describes the great lengths that her family went to in order to keep him comfortable. And she discusses in detail the eventual decision to euthanize their adored dog. Interspersed with the journal entries, Pierce describes a multitude of research on the medical, moral, and practical sides of pet ownership, end of life care, and loss.

As an animal lover and a passionate pet owner, I was very much in favour of Pierce’s overall message that our pets deserve the best care and love that we can offer them. Like many people, including Pierce, I struggle on both an emotional and moral level with the idea of choosing to end an animal’s life (euthanasia). Given the topic, it feels strange to say that I loved this book…but in a way I did. Pierce’s love and subsequent grief for her dog is palpable. I felt like I, and likely any pet owner, could relate to her feelings and thoughts. This book is a must read for anyone who is a pet owner, as it will get you to think critically about your pet’s end of life care and it will make you feel less isolated when the loss of your pet occurs. And for all the people who “don’t get it” because they’re not pet people, I would suggest giving this book a read in the hope that you will increase your empathy and kindness towards those who grieving the loss of their pets.

Interested in this book? Click here!