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Erin MacLeod, MA, RCC

Vancouver Anxiety Counselling

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The Power of a Diary

October 5, 2016 | Leave a Comment

This Week’s Book: Stick Figure: A Diary of My Former Self (L. Gottlieb)

So I’m currently trying to make my way through all of the many, many, many books on my shelf.  This is a big endeavour for sure.  I used to work at a bookstore, so books are abundant in my home and many of them have so far gone unread.  Thus, the book that I chose for this week’s blog came off the shelf…and I honestly have no idea when or where I bought it.  It’s been on that shelf for a long time…

Stick Figure is the compilation of a young girl’s diary entries.  The diary was written when Gottlieb was 11 years old – a year that took her from being an intelligent, spunky and sometimes awkward girl with no concerns about weight to an intelligent, spunky, and more popular girl with an eating disorder.  Like one of the comments on the front cover states, this book really does read like a novel.  The readers are privy to the author’s thought processes and are part of the dramatic shift from not fussing about food and weight to completely restricting everything that she ate.  Gottlieb’s descent into an eating disorder began out of spite her parents and was quickly reinforced by the reactions that she got from others (attention and anger from parents, awe and attention from classmates).

This book was actually really interesting.  When I first grabbed it off the shelf, I wondered not only when I’d bought it originally, but why.  I mean I don’t necessarily focus my work on people struggling with eating disorders, so it seemed like a bit of anomaly on the shelf.  However, I quickly realized that this was not just a book about disordered thinking and eating, it was about perception, relationships, and communication.

One of the biggest things that stood out to me was the ridiculous double standards conveyed by the adults in Gottlieb’s life and the messages that she received on a regular basis.  While her mom would barely eat her own meals, she berated her young daughter for doing the same thing.  I can only imagine how confusing that would be for an eleven year old girl.  Additionally, Gottlieb grew up in a time when gender roles were still very prominent and she had the self-awareness to know that she did not necessarily fit those roles.  So from very early on, she and others in her life labelled her as an outsider – something that spurred her later choices about food.  When Gottlieb meets a particular nurse who takes an interest in her (idiosyncrasies and all) and cares deeply about her, you can see her resolve about the eating restrictions start to falter.  As a counsellor, my heart broke for Gottlieb because it was clear how much she wanted to be listened to, understood, and loved in those moments.  After all, every kid just wants to fit in, be accepted and feel normal.

I would suggest that all parents read this book.  When you do, you’ll discover how the misguided focus of a parent, the lack of listening, and eventual desperation can have disastrous effects.  The way that we speak to our children and interact with them on a daily basis can shape their reactions, thought processes, and coping strategies.  This book is also an interesting read from a feminist perspective, as it questions our ability to deviate from the norms and be different.  It documents how we struggle with these concepts from a very young age.

Interested in this book?  Click here.

Filed Under: Coping, Counselling, Parenting, Psychology Tagged With: Books, control, Coping, Counselling, Families, Parenting, Survival

It’s for the Kids…

November 16, 2015 | Leave a Comment

photo c/o amazon.ca

photo c/o amazon.ca

This Week’s Book = Kids Are Worth It! (by B. Coloroso)

Picture it (yup, I’m going all Sophia from the Golden Girls on you): Poofy, feathery 80’s hair and a flowing outfit with giant shoulder pads. This is how author Barbara Coloroso presents herself in the video version (called Winning at Parenting) of the book I’m going to review this week. I’m not going to lie – it’s a pretty awesome and funny video. Plus, I think it WAS filmed in the late 80’s/early 90’s…so, close enough with the fashion Barbara Coloroso. I’ve probably watched the video version of the book at least two dozen times, as I used to watch it with clients when I worked at Langley Community Services Society (@LangleyCSS). Even though I don’t seem to be working with too many parents at this point in time, I like to keep myself reminded of all the information and theories.

Kids are Worth It! is written by Barbara Coloroso, a well known speaker and author on the subject of parenting. In this book, Coloroso shares her unique theory on parenting. Her theory is attachment-based and aimed at building positive, healthy relationships between parents and children. She describes different styles of parenting and gives them cute, somewhat descriptive names: the Brick Wall, Jelly Fish and Backbone Parents. Coloroso also discusses specific challenges that parents tend to face with their children (i.e. chores, sibling rivalry, and teen rebellion) and how to handle them.

I found this book (and the video described above) to be insanely helpful when I was working with parents. Attachment is a concept that fits for me and makes sense when I consider parenting, families, and relationships. I actually really enjoy the video (hence why I was willing and able to watch it many, many times) – Coloroso is a very dynamic and humorous speaker…something that didn’t translate quite as well into the book. However, regardless of my personal preferences, I think that the information presented in the book is really helpful and would be beneficial for all parents to read. If reading isn’t your favourite, grab the DVD…if nothing else, I’m sure you’ll get a smile from the awesome 80’s-ness of it!

Interested in the book? Click here!

Filed Under: Coping, Counselling, Parenting, Relationships, Self-Help Tagged With: attachment, Books, change, Coping, Families, Parenting, Relationships, Self-help

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